Gratitude as a Cure to Situational Anxiety?

My bishop challenged me to get a little notebook and, every day, write three good things that happened that day, or three good things I'm grateful for that day.

Honestly, I have mostly failed at this. I usually forget (thank you, ADHD). However, purchasing the notebook and sometimes remembering I have it have helped in reminding me to think of things I'm grateful for.

Recently, I've had a crossroads of sorts, and I didn't know which direction to go. It was stressing me out so much. Then I remembered that verse in Proverbs 3. "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." And I wondered- if I acknowledge God's hand, will He help me see which path I should take?

The bishop's suggested exercise helped me to be more aware of my blessings. And, guess what? After a while, it was like a lamp shone on one of the paths, and that's the one I took. And it feels right and I'm no longer freaking out about it.

Hang on with me here. I'm going somewhere with this, I promise.

So, every single Monday, I get a little panic attack because Tuesday I have to start my work week. I could go into a great long list of why I just don't want to go to work, but I won't. I have Sundays and Mondays off and Mondays are the only day I get with my kids every week (they're with their dad every other Sunday). I should enjoy and cherish my Mondays, but always, that dark cloud of what's coming robs some of my enjoyment. Dread. Anxiety. Since I don't work till 1:00, I get the same dread and anxiety all Tuesday, too. It's thick and horrible and happens weekly.

So, today, I was sitting in my car after dropping my son off at school and in crept that familiar panic. My chest tightened, my heart began to race, my face flushed, I became hot, and tears stood ready to burst through. I decided to take a moment and not just push it down. I took deliberate, conscious breaths (because in those moments, it's almost like I've forgotten the right way to breathe). I told my heart "Shhhhh."

And then something weird happened- almost as if being directed by another force. I began thinking about all the things I have. I began consciously acknowledging my wonderful life. I acknowledge my home, my car, my daily food and water, my health, my children, my working body and mind, my Jesus, my dear friends-- I just started listing things I have. And then I acknowledged the Hand from which all my blessings flow. Soon, acknowledgement turned to gratitude. Genuine gratitude. And then, with my thoughts on my blessings, I remembered that in my past, God has always taken care of me. Everything has always worked out. It's ALWAYS been Okay. And then I realized that if He has taken care of me all this time, then He will continue to take care of me, and everything will always be Okay. Even though I legitimately hate my shift, and I'm allowed to hate my shift, and even though my circumstance are not ideal, and even though my kids and I are suffering because of those circumstances, God, my Father, will continue to take care of us! So I needn't fear. And then I stopped for a second because I realized something. I realized my heart rate was dropping back to normal. I realized the vice on my chest was loosening. I realized my blood flow wasn't all up in my face. And then I realized that my heart felt warm. Like, peaceful. Like, the very opposite of anxious.

And so I'm going to try this again, next time I get that little attack of anxiety. I know it's cliche to say "be grateful," but I really think that consciously acknowledging my abundance of blessings brings about a consequential peace, which destroys anxiety. I mean, anxiety is the very opposite of peace. I don't imagine there's room for it when peace comes in.

This is so important because anxiety is addiction-fuel. Marsha loves it. She uses it against me and lures me to her comforting arms, promising freedom from this plaguing anxiety. I've recognized those promises as lies, but now I think I'm finding antidotes. "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Even if my path is clear, even if I know I have to drive to work and clock in and do the work that is a greenhouse for the anxiety in the first place, even if the path before me is already known- I sure would like God's direction on it. And today, acknowledging my blessings and His hand in my blessings gave me peace in a time of anxiety.

It's weird. Gratitude is so powerful. I am going to practice it more. I can't force gratitude, but I can force myself to acknowledge.

For real, I can't wait to try this next time my anxiety rises up and constricts my airways. I hope today wasn't a fluke!