Reaches my Reaching

My favorite line in Where Can I Turn for Peace is "Reaches my reaching." I think about it. I think about how often I have reached up to Him in moments of desperation, in moments of sorrow, in repentance, in despair, in gratitude. I imagine my arms reaching out, reaching up-- and Jesus, reaching to my reaching. Meeting my efforts and pulling me in.

He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching
Constant he is, and kind,
Love without end.

If I was a painter, I would paint a piece where a woman was on her knees, reaching outward and upward, with sorrow and fear and despair etched into her face. Jesus would be there, too, reaching down to her reaching, with calm and love and acceptance radiating from His face.

Reaches my reaching.

What lovely imagery.

And He does! He reaches my reaching. He meets my efforts. The moment He sees that I am walking to Him, He rushes to meet me, like the father in the Prodigal Son rushed out to meet his son, as soon as he saw him. He reaches my reaching and walks with me for as long as I'm willing to walk with Him.

I read a most touching blog post the other day by a woman whose husband was murdered only a few miles away from where I live. I remember seeing her story on Dateline a while ago. She is now writing about her experience. Every post has touched me to tears, but there's one that touched me more than the rest. In it, she tells of the first Sunday after her husband's death and how she made herself go to church, and the hymn they sang was Where Can I Turn for Peace. It was perfect for her on that day for many reasons, which reasons she describes, and she tells of how if she'd stayed home, she wouldn't have been able to experience that incredible tender mercy. She reached, and He reached back. He reached her reaching. I hope you will read her story. The blog post I refer to is here.

When we knock, He opens the door. When we seek Him, He is there. When we ask questions, He answers them.

I have had a lot of questions lately. Some of my questions have falsely led some of my peers to believe that I am considering leaving the Church. I guess I can see that point of view. But it's wrong. I would like to explain some things, because it appears that many have questioned my faith for having questions about my faith.

So, allow me, please, to tell you what I know.

I know God lives. The reason I know this is because I know He loves me. I have felt His love so real, so pure, so tangible, that I dare not deny it. Not for money, not for promises of ease, not for anything. Ever.

I know that Jesus is my Shepherd, my Savior, my Light, my Captain, my Redeemer, my Guide. He has snatched me out of the depth of addiction. He has freed me from the heavy burden of sin. He has wiped my tears and whispered comfort to my soul. He has reached my reaching every time.

I know that when I abide by the precepts in the Book of Mormon, I grow nearer to God. I know that the path laid out therein is the path to joy. I know this because I have tried it.

I know that I love the Church! I love the love I find when I attend. I love the people in the Church. I love the service that is all around. I love its doctrines, even when I find its cultures and some of its policies perplexing.

I am in, folks, and I am all in. I have questions sometimes but that doesn't mean I am running. Why wouldn't I have questions sometimes? Why shouldn't I? And why shouldn't I ask them? I will certainly be more careful as far whom I ask in the future. But I will not stop asking questions. I refuse to brush them away as if they don't matter. I refuse to follow blindly. And the Church encourages us to not follow blindly, in fact.

Even in the questions I am asking, I am seeking answers. Some of my methods may be wrong. I may ask the wrong people. But I am seeking. And even now, Jesus is reaching my reaching.

He is my friend when I can find none. He is my peace when all around me is chaos and sorrow. He is my rock when the world trembles and crumbles. He is my shelter in the storm. He carries me when it's too hard, and when He doesn't carry me, He carries my load. And when He doesn't carry my load, He reminds me that I can, and that He is never far.

I am so grateful for a Church which teaches me the true nature of the Atonement of Christ. I'm so grateful for a Church which cares so deeply for its members that it creates and maintains just about every conceivable program for everyone in it to enjoy the full blessings of membership. Specifically, I'm so grateful for the Church's Addiction Recovery Program, through which I finally found the courage and the knowledge to trust Jesus Christ.

The gospel is a gospel of peace and truth. We learn line upon line, precept upon precept. Some precepts I understand very well, but some I do not, and if you understand them before I do, I hope you will not judge me and belittle me, but love me to it. I'll get it eventually. Because Jesus reaches my reaching.