Progress

Dear Reader,

I made it one month. Almost exactly one month.

It's not long enough.

The thing is, the past month has been the most empowering, humbling, peaceful month I've had in years.

I told you of my new resolve of studying the scriptures. I have also begun family scriptures, and I and my children love that time together. We don't spend much time on it because we're new at it and they're young, and sometimes there are fits and uncooperative attitudes, but usually, there is humility, there is warmth, there is unity. And I love it. And my children love it.

God is so merciful. As I resolve to choose right, He gives me the things I need to make those choices.

Except, last week, I got a little depressed and a little discouraged and a little lonely and I let it get to me. And I participated in those sins that I was sure I'd forsaken. I stepped out back onto that cliff again, and shut the door on my Savior.

I was, and I am sick with disappointment.

But, as my bishop enthusiastically reminded me, I haven't lost the war. What I do here is get up and try again. And do again. And make it further this time.

I'm now willing to give it up. The onward, upward hill no longer scares me. The difficulty of the path of righteousness no longer discourages me. I know that it is while I am on that path that I will be at peace. The Lord has promised rest for those who never weary in doing good. And so, I know that no matter how hard the climb, no matter how lonely the path, I will be filled with all that I need to conquer the flesh.

I'm so excited for who I am becoming. I am so excited to BE who I really AM. A daughter of God, a Queen in the kingdom of Christ, a humble servant.

And so, Friend, I stand. I wipe the dirt and dust down. I repent. I take a deep breath, smile, and go back, back to that path that brings safety, warmth and peace.

I love the Truth. I love my Savior, Jesus Christ, my brother. I love my God. And so, to Them, I return.