Facing It

I feel like I am my last great obstacle.

"Lord of himself, though not of lands;
And having nothing, yet hath all."
~Sir H Wotton

Would that I could conquer my own self! I want to break free.

I am hopeful that I am at the beginning of another long stretch of abstinence.

I just got home from talking to the bishop. He's a new bishop and that always makes it harder but he is wonderful, just like all my other bishops have been. I was thinking to myself in the car on the way there, why do I even confess? I don't think it does much good.

Oh, but it does. It relieves my soul of this dark, heavy burden of sin. The confession doesn't take the burden away completely, but it certainly lightens it. I am so blessed. All of my bishops have been so kind and merciful, and none of them have ever made me feel like a freak of nature as a woman with sexual addictions.

My bishop gave me some new ideas which will require work. I think I keep hoping that someone will give me the way out which doesn't require work. I just need to FACE IT, that this is going to be difficult no matter what, and I can do it the easy-difficult way (if you will) or the nearly impossible-difficult way. The easy-difficult way is taking care of the temptation before I get it. Finding ways to avoid temptation, and thoughts and activities to turn to when temptation is upon me. Having a plan, and a plan B, and a plan C. Setting up watchtowers, building armor, constant vigilance during peace times so that in battle times, I'll be totally prepared. The battle will come no matter what I do. If I prepare, winning it will be pretty easy. If I don't, winning will be pretty impossible.

So that is my focus now, today. I have to remind myself daily. I have to make myself stick to it.