It doesn't seem logical that I have hope again. I mean, over the past very many years, I have tried and failed and failed again. What makes me think this time will be any different? But that's the thing about hope: it doesn't look behind.
Today, I saw a therapist at LDS Family Services. A woman. If you are a woman like me who is thinking of hiring a professional, may I strongly advise a woman. And she is amazing, genuine (insofar as I can tell, after just one hour), and very professional. She is focused on solutions rather than the problem. She had a lot of good ideas for me, and I'm going to try them. Based on the things we discussed today, I'm going to start to reprogram my thoughts, and my mental reactions to certain stimuli. I now have a plan, things to think about instead. I think it'll help. I'm also going to try very hard to stop being so afraid to fail. This fear is crippling.
ALSO, I'm going to try to find a sponsor of sorts. I just don't know anyone who I can trust with this. I'm going to pray about it.
This is great. I have a game plan again, I have goals. And I could have had a game plan without a therapist, but now I have help, I have someone else in my corner, someone else to be accountable to, someone who has tools and education to offer me. And she is very kind, as well. I really think this will be good for me. I go back in two weeks. I'm looking forward to it.
Most important, I have hope again! Real hope!
God is so good.
FYI.. we have a number of people in my group willing/available to sponsor. It would be long distance obviously.... texting/email/phone.. but it's a resource available to you.
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