Friday, December 30, 2011

Darkness

When I was 15, I wrote a non-rhyming for the first time. I wish I had it now but I remember part of it, and it's quite good considering my age.

The darkness envelopes me
Like a thick fog
Its fingers of evil grasp my hair
And hold me down so that I cannot move.

I feel so now. I feel so trapped in darkness and I cannot breathe and I cannot see and I cannot move. I think that if I freed myself, or rather, if I chose to be freed by Jesus, then I would be living a beautiful life at this moment. I have no significant outside trials right now. I have everything. I have a job. I have a home. I have wonderful children. I have food every day. I have generally good health, and I'm safe. I have everything right now! What a tragedy it is that I don't have self control. What a tragedy it is that I am swimming in a sea of filth, wasting away my very good fortune, not living this life in a time when it's going very well! Instead I'm choosing hell when I'm in heaven.

It is heavy now, this great burden of sin. It is dark now.

O, Jesus, thou son of God, have mercy on me!

2 comments:

  1. I wrote a poem like that too... when I was 15 too!

    Mine went like this

    The skies were red with anger
    The earth trembled in fear
    The moon looked on
    and the sun...
    Was obsolete

    So dark and sad huh? So glad I'm not there anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  2. wow! way dark. I wish I could go back to 15 year old me and tell me it's really not so bleak. :)

    ReplyDelete

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