Facebook Confession Aftermath

At 1:01 this morning, I posted a link to My Story to my Facebook timeline, with this description: "Did you know women, and even good women, can be/are addicted to pornography too? Yep. And here goes. Shame-free livin' right here."

And then I just did. I posted it. So far, I haven't received much flack about it, so that's good. I wanted it to be just another post, kinda, and not a huge deal. And I think that's how it went. I did receive many supportive comments which is very helpful. I already knew that I had the most amazing friends, and this proved it!

I have been thinking about this for months. I have known I would do this for months. Finally, I got on my knees and asked my Father what He thought I should do. I worried about repercussions, sure. I knew some would judge, and that was okay. Maybe some would "unfriend" me. Maybe someone I loved and respected would say something cruel. Maybe someone would spread false rumors. Maybe I'd never get married again. Maybe it just wasn't the right time- I didn't know. So I prayed and I asked the One who would know if it was okay.

My answer was clear, and beautiful, and I don't feel like sharing it in this public medium. Just know that I posted in response to the answer I received.

And here's how I feel about it now: Free. I feel like I am hiding nothing. I feel like I get to be me, now, the whole me, holding nothing back- and that feels amazing. I feel like I own this, now! I own this addiction and no one can touch me. No one can bring me down about it anymore. No one can threaten me. I have told all my secrets and I am free.

I think this was a good thing to do. My 1st purpose in sharing was to let other women know they are not alone if they are afflicted with this or a like addiction. My 2nd purpose in sharing was to obliterate my own shame surrounding this addiction. My 3rd purpose in sharing was to just plain talk about sex addiction among women! We need to talk about it more and bring it out of obscurity! We need to tell it like it is.

I feel great about it! I'm not ashamed of who I am. I'm not ashamed of my past. I'm not ashamed of my addictions. I'm not ashamed of needing the Atonement of Jesus to heal and guide me. I believe that shame prohibits growth, and as long as I hang on to shame about anything, I won't be able to move forward in that area.

I'm no longer interested in hiding. Here I am! This is me! See me for all that I am. I expose my heart to my God and to my peers. This is me: addicted, afflicted, flawed, and beautiful. Human. Just like you.