Look to God and Live

My brain is without order. I don't know how to establish order in my brain. I think that's something I will ask my new therapist.

I asked God today what I need to do differently to expedite recovery. The only thing I can think of is study my scriptures. I have a few problems with this.

1. I don't know if it's my idea or God's.

2. I've BEEN reading and I STILL fall.

3. I doubt that it can really be that simple

4. I doubt that it can really be that permanently effective.

Here's the thing. This is interesting. I DO doubt that it will be all that effective, BUT, I have been a personal witness to how helpful it is. Why do I doubt what I already know? Another thing is, reading the scriptures- that's so easy. Anyone can do that. I don't necessarily want freedom to be more difficult, but it doesn't make sense that it wouldn't be very difficult.

Yet, I can envision great things happening from my honest and consistent study of God's word. I can see myself becoming more focused, more dedicated, more organized, as a result of scripture study. And if it's going to help me become a better person, what's the problem? What's the holdup? Why do I dread opening up my scriptures, which words I truly love? Why am I so easily distracted by the things of the world that I'd rather be doing?

And you know, maybe it won't fix my addiction. But I can't say that I don't believe it will help me don the armor of God, and protect me from temptation. I believe it will. I already have a testimony of the scriptures. Of what am I afraid? It's not hard. It's not hard! I mean, reading scriptures, studying the word of God- not hard. It's easy.

Like the Egyptians when they only had to look at the serpent on the staff to live, the only had to look to be healed. I wonder.... Will the scriptures heal me? Well, no, and it wasn't the staff that would heal the Egyptians, it was Jesus who would respond to obedience and faith. And if they looked, He healed them! The snakes came, bit the Egyptians, made them sick and/or dead. Porn presented itself, I partook, and became addicted. If they looked, they would be free. If I look, look inside the Holy Scriptures and find the word of God, I suppose that I can there find freedom.

Addiction is a consequence of sin. Sometimes it's a consequence of terrible misfortune. Addiction itself isn't sin.

Minor detour, there.

I don't want to be one who perishes because of the "Simpleness of the way." I don't want to keep dying here when the path before me is easy. Richard G Scott said "the way back is not as hard as it seems to you now." Maybe I'm making it too difficult. Maybe I'm thinking about it in the wrong way. Maybe this isn't a mountain, maybe I don't have to climb, maybe Jesus already did that and He just wants to heal me. Maybe, just maybe, all I have to do is look to live.

It's worth a try, isn't it?