Daily Assault

I don't know how many times a day I am attacked, ambushed, and/or assaulted by the Adversary, but maybe one day I'll count. I'd wager it's dozens. Dozens of suggestions, dozens of temptations, dozens of memories, every day. "Stephanie, do this." "Stephanie, click on this link. It's probably nothing bad." "Stephanie, type ____ into the search bar just to make sure your filter is working." "Stephanie, check out that woman's cleavage." "Stephanie, check out how those pants fit that attractive man." "Stephanie, stare at that billboard/magazine/shirtless man that your friend shared on Facebook." "It's not a big deal." "One look won't hurt." "It's just for a second, and then you can go back to your day."

ALL. DAY. LONG.

And I want to shout, Shut up! Leave me alone for just five minutes! I sweep the thoughts away instead and focus on something else. Then I go to the store and see pornography in the check out aisle, and I have to resist the ceaseless urge to pick up the magazine and read about how to give my man the best time. But, I look elsewhere and sweep that thought away. Then I drive home and see a sexually vulgar bumper sticker, and I have to resist the ceaseless urge to wonder about the precise meaning of the sticker, but I sweep that thought away. Then I watch an innocent show, like Biggest Loser, and see a suggestive commercial, and have to resist the ceaseless urge to think about using my body inappropriately. I sweep that thought away, too. It's everywhere. Inappropriate sex is everywhere. It's in the conversations of strangers at the gas station. Heck, it's in the posters at the gas station. It's in the comments of a commercial Facebook post, even if the post was about which light bulbs are best for the hallway. It's in our kids' movies. It's everywhere. And even if it wasn't, I'm dang sure Satan and his army would put it in my head every day anyway.

It's interesting that as time goes, the temptations don't. I'm not quite as sensitive as I used to be. Certain common words no longer trigger me instantly. Sometimes, I can even go to buy groceries without even noticing the magazines. It takes a bit longer, now, for suggestion to become desire. Before, one stray thought would explode almost immediately into an uncontrollable, unstoppable itch that could only be satisfied by one thing. And then I would go from idea to itch to sin in about 60 seconds. I don't do that anymore! I rejoice that I am stronger, now! And, so, even though I feel the attack almost all day still, I know that wearing the armor of God gives me strength to sweep the thoughts away, time after time after time. As I walk in the path of Jesus, He carries me through it, and whispers to me that I have great worth even while Satan is telling me I don't. God whispers to me to look away even while Satan tells me to stare. I am getting better at heeding the voice of the Shepherd! Time and practice and faith have led me here. And I know how much easier it is now than it was, say, a year ago, and that gives me so much hope. What's a year from now going to look like? Even easier, I think. I'll be even stronger. I maybe won't even hear the whisperings of "just this once," anymore.