Last night I had so much anxiety over my kids. I'm having serious issues with them- not that they're being particularly unmanageable, but they have needs that are not being met, and that's due to my work schedule.
I don't know what to do. I'm not being a good parent, though.
And so the stress and anxiety of the situation overwhelmed me last night. Anxiety is a serious trigger. And I know there's something that can totally take my mind off it. But that something just makes my life so much worse.
My daughter threw a fit last night about wanting some chocolate before bed. I told her no, mostly because she initially demanded w/o asking a piece of chocolate, and then continued to whine. I don't like to give in to whines. She kept crying and whining about it in bed and finally I told her calmly that she can either have a tiny piece tonight or a huge piece tomorrow. She chose the tiny piece right away. And she'll regret that choice today when her brothers and I have a lot of chocolate and she does not.
The thing I'm trying to teach my daughter is something I need help with myself. I take a little tiny piece of pleasure now and because of it, I sacrifice something huge, something better than my imagination permits. And I'll regret it when all the righteous people get to partake of that which I want soooooooo much. Giving up a lot for a little is the stupidest sacrifice of all, and maybe doesn't even count as a "sacrifice" but simply as an unwise choice.
God help me.
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