My first post was over a year ago, and I'm pretty much in the same place I was a year ago. This is very discouraging. I keep thinking I'm almost past this, I'm almost there, I'm at the threshold of overcoming, it's just around the corner. But that's been my mindset for the past year at least.
I'm embarrassed.
BUT. I AM a better person than I was a year ago. I'm kinder, my language is cleaner, I do my visiting teaching (hehe), I'm slightly more organized, I love better, I've forgiven more, I'm just a tad less lazy, I'm braver, my faith is stronger. So, the year hasn't been a waste. I was talking about this with my bishop on Sunday, and he said as long as I keep improving the other things around me, this huge happiness blocker of mine will eventually disappear. Eventually, I will get to the point where there is absolutely no more room for my addictions, when my addictions are so far off the rest of my behaviors and thoughts that I simply won't allow them anymore.
So how do I speed up that process?
oh, I have learned so much about who I am, about God's love, about love in general this past year. And just because I'm not very far along the path of recovery does NOT mean that I'm an unimproved person.
I'm so grateful that all God requires of me is my best. Yesterday, I gave my best. Today, I'll give my best. And I can rest tonight happy, knowing that I've done everything the Lord requires, at least for today.
It's been a difficult year, but a glorious year. I'm grateful for it. I'm still here! And today, I'm happy.
That is great that you are able to see your progression! Remember, just as addiction is a progressive disease so is recovery a progressive solution:-)
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