God Will Abundantly Pardon

Verse 7 of Isaiah 55 caught my attention just now. It says that if people repent and turn to God, that He will "abundantly pardon."

I write with soiled hands and a heavy heart, but I am filled with hope. Like Enos, I ask, "Lord, how is it done?" How am I permitted this great, enlightening hope, in the very midst of self-destruction?

When I really think about it, the mercy of God astounds me. The reality is, He is there every time I turn to Him. Every time. No exceptions. As an addict of around 18 years, I cannot even estimate how many times I have turned back to Him, after turning away from Him that many times. And yet, every time, there He stands! He stands ready, eager to pull me into His safe arms, eager to bestow upon me more mercy and grace, patient and gentle. I know that God will "abundantly pardon," because that's what He's done for me. That's what He's doing for me.

I feel like a prisoner. I am a prisoner. I have built walls around me that I cannot break down. But Jesus can free me.

I am ill. I have created my own illness that I cannot cure. But Jesus can heal me.

The scriptures tell us that the Lord will forgive "as often as my people repent." I think that means He'll forgive every time we repent. Every time.

Satan tells me that God is tired of my pleas for forgiveness. Satan tells me God does not want to hear it from me again. Satan tells me I am worthless for meeting this place yet again. He lures me here, then he mocks me here. He is no friend of mine. Satan tells me that since I've been an addict most my life, there is no hope for my recovery. Jesus says though my sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow.

A tender and loving Father in Heaven miraculously led me to this talk, and I hope you will read it too, and find as much hope in it as I did:
God Will Abundantly Pardon

I am so thankful for the Atonement. I know that Jesus' sufferings were in my name, in my stead. I have hope that I can be healed.

As an update, I have been working on my actual Step Four. For a long time, I thought this blog was sufficient for my Step Four, but there are many things that I needed to write out that I shouldn't include in a public post. It has taken me quite a while, but I've finished a first draft, and I'm very glad to have gotten through it. Now I can finally move on through the remaining steps. It has been awful, frankly, just as awful as I thought it would be. But it has also been beautiful. I learned, again, that God has shown me His love all through these years, that He has rescued me all through these years, and that His love has never grown tired.

Here's to another long streak of abstinence!