Looking Back

I've been reading my old posts because I'm thinking of telling my family about this blog, and I wanted to read the posts through their eyes.

I have decided to leave almost everything, unedited. Each post is an honest representation of my feelings at the moment. I'm not going to hide. What's the point of hiding at this point?

Anyway, I did notice that, for the most part, this here blog is pretty depressing! It's dark and sad. I didn't have readers for years. I had one or two here and there, but if I had 15 page views in any given month, that was a lot. This was more of a journal for me. I knew my readers were few, and I used that knowledge as a reason to write whatever I wanted. Someone recently commented that my blog was so open and honest. I don't know about honest, but it has been very open, and that's only because I figured it would forever be a blog in a tiny, obscure corner of cyber space, and I felt protected by both anonymity and obscurity.

Since I felt that almost no one was reading, I didn't write about many of the good things that have come into my life. I haven't written many of the miracles I've seen. Mostly, I wrote when I needed to vent, or work things out. And that's okay, but I wish I'd written the happy stuff, too.

I recognize that even with the few readers I have now, this blog still takes up a tiny, obscure corner in cyber space. But I feel more exposed. It's good for me. I feel more accountable. I'm going to write things of a more positive nature. I'll probably still be pretty negative, too, but I'm hopeful that as I progress and learn, I'll simply have more positive things to share.

I'm going to write a post a day for 30 days, beginning today. That's a lot of accountability! If I'm thinking, every day, that "today I'm going to write a post," I'm definitely not going to want to bring you a bad report. I think it will be good for me, and help me stay focused. That's my hope, anyway! If I have work, I'll begin each post at around 8:15 each night, after the kids are safely in bed, and before the night temptations usually scream at me. If I'm not working, the posts may be earlier.



Also, looking back, I can see progress. It's so slow! But it's there. I'm a little more realistic with recovery. I have learned a lot. I'm doing alright.