The facilitator at the PASG meetings I attend usually says "My name is _______ and I'm a recovering sex addict and I'm still here." There's something about it that I like.
Well, I wrote the email to my family. I re-read it the next day and I think it's okay as far as these kinds of emails go. But I can't send it. I need to. I must. And I will. I think I'll wait till after our New Year's Eve celebration.
Once my family knows, I'll almost have no need for anonymity. My name is not Erin. But, I actually feel like remaining anonymous protects my children, and so I will still remain anonymous, publicly.
I've been thinking all day about what I'll write today and I still haven't come up with anything brilliant. I'm simply still here. I don't feel like I'm white knuckling anymore, but I do feel nervous, and I do feel fragile. I don't feel humble.
Humility is a key to recovery. How does anyone maintain humility? Humility is so fleeting. I know that gratitude is closely linked to humility so I do try to maintain gratitude. I try to, at all times, acknowledge the Hand which blesses me constantly. I have everything I need and I know where it comes from. But I still don't feel very humble. I feel out of touch.
But, I'm trying. Tomorrow's another day to get closer to the Savior, and further from the trap of addiction.
I have a clock in my bedroom that's broken. I hung it up on my wall anyway, thinking this clock will remind me that now is the time to choose. And, every time I look at it, I think, Now is the time to choose. And I make a choice for that moment.
That's it for now. Tomorrow maybe I'll be more eloquent. Tomorrow is the Sabbath! A day of miracles!
We can often BE humble without actually FEELING humble. We do this by being humble in our action. Heavenly Father will bless us with a humble heart if we put forth the effort to receive it. We have to show Him that we really want it.
ReplyDeleteSo, some actions that show humility are: working our program, reading our scriptures daily, striving to have a good attitude, eliminating pesky habits like white lies or swearing, remaining sober.. etc...
Faith precedes the miracle... but what's cool is in reality, the miracle ALWAYS comes...
thank you so much for that distinction, that one can be humble even without feeling it. I had never considered that before.
DeleteI'm watching the TV series "Kung Fu". In it, the main character "Chang", is always super humble. I love the lessons. Of course David Carradine's personal life was a complete disaster, poor guy. You and I are also alike in the gratitude dept. I figured that, if nothing else, God might not get too mad at me as long as I always expressed my gratitude to him for my many blessings! I have always sincerely done that. "And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments." It's just that very lasy bit thay's given me fits. Anyway, keep writing! I'm not expecting anything sensational or glamorous. I bet you'll grow, though.
ReplyDeleteI bet I'll grow, too! Thank you. :)
DeleteI'm just starting to feel it again. There was a time I didn't think I'd ever have that feeling back. That "IN touch with Heavenly Father" actual FEELING. But it's coming back lately little by little and I don't even know how to express what that means to me.
ReplyDeleteSame here. Today marks my 7th week in recovery. I've abstained from acting out longer, but this time feels real. I'm working on those underlying issues, attending mtgs., working with my sponsor, getting and giving support from all of you awesome bloggers, and everything is looking up!
Deletethat is wonderful, dust! I can't wait to feel it again!
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