And Today it Hit Me: God Will Not Abandon Me

I am overcome with gratitude.

I attended my PASG meeting tonight. As usual, thoughts of "stay home" played in my head. "The kids need to go to bed early. They NEED sleep." "Missing one night isn't going to hurt." "I'm so tired. I'll probably fall asleep anyway." "I don't have anything to share."

But, in the end, I know where I am. I am one week from being 60 days clean, and I cannot afford a second of slacking. I must use every tool that is offered me, especially at this crucial time.

I don't know that I have ever been so affected by an ARP meeting as I was by tonight's, besides my first meeting ever. The spirit covered me from head to toe. I needed to be there.

We have so many tools! We have all the tools we need to recover! I didn't know about them all for many years. I'm sure I don't know about them all now. But I am so grateful to a God who gives us these tools, who created this program, who offers the spirit of His love when we're where we're supposed to be.

Anyway, every man in attendance tonight -- every man -- said something that I needed to hear in order to find healing, or comfort, or encouragement.

My wise and dear Father in Heaven knew that I have been fearing this coming week. He knew it before I did. I was refusing to acknowledge the fear! But I was quite fearful. Last time I made it this far, I gave it up at about 57 or 58 days. And I was afraid that I'll do that again, and God knew it.

So, tonight, at the meeting, He helped me to acknowledge my fear. Oh. I'm afraid! And then, He reminded me that I have no need to fear. He will not abandon me! He will not abandon me. He's not going to get me to 60 days and then say "Okay, you're on your own now. See ya." He will continue to carry me through, as He has hitherto done, and so I needn't fear! As long as I continue to trust Him and to give him daily efforts, He will continue to carry me when I need it.

During the course of the meeting, Heavenly Father put in my head the lyrics to a hymn I haven't thought of in a while:

Fear not, I am with thee. Oh, be not afraid
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.
(Hymns, #85)

The line "For I am thy God and will still give thee aid" went through my brain over and over, and by it I found great comfort. Of course He will still give me aid! He's gotten me this far and, from what I know of God and His character, He's not about to abandon me now! I don't know what about this is so profound to me. I mean, didn't I already know that? Shouldn't I have already known that?

Maybe I knew it, but I had never taken the time to realize it. And now I know that I know that He will not forsake me. He is my God and will still give me aid!

How I love Him. How I love Him for not abandoning me.