No! Yes. It's true. My confidence is suffering. I keep thinking "I can't make it this long," and then I say to myself, "I AM making it this long!" but the initial thought already did its damage.
Little tiny pieces of fear are lodging themselves into the strong pillars I've been building with Jesus. As I am reminded of how powerless I am, I seem to be forgetting how strong my Savior is.
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. There it is. It just now, while writing that above paragraph, hit me what the problem is. Trust. If I was fully trusting the Savior, I would have no reason to fear! With Him, I am infallible. Every step I take in His footsteps, I am safe. I have nothing to fear. Nothing to worry about. My confidence needn't be less than my commitment.
I'm committed, people! I will walk with Him, so that I cannot fall.
Those tiny pieces of fear that have been hitting my strongholds? Yeah, that happened because somewhere, I had a guard down. Somehow, I allowed them in. No more! No more doubts, no more fears, no more wavering confidence, for my strength is not my own, but God's. I will not yield!
Man, sometimes writing just does the trick, doesn't it? I didn't expect this great revelation. :) With renewed trust and confidence, I go forth!
I was just thinking what you were writing and had my thought formed "you need to tell her to remember the strength of her Savior" and then you did it yourself! haha so awesome!
ReplyDeleteThose particles of fear are annoying - just gotta use the filter of the Spirit to purify the air:-) Good job!
Also be aware... he will try again. Just when you think "I got this" something will happen in an attempt to cause you to waver again.
Be vigilant my friend.
thank you! I was thinking of that phrase "I got this." The truth is, that is never true. I don't! And if I do, then I better look out. I don't WANT this. I think the next time I think "I got this," I need to tell myself, "get rid of it now. Give it back to God. God's got this."
DeleteIt's a tough balance. :)
A line that I have really like lately has been "the quality of our recovery is proportional to the quality of our surrender."
ReplyDeleteOnly victory is through giving up and giving ourselves to our Heavenly Father and Savior entirely. Even our desires to be 'good' can be weak. We mortals are pretty weak against our addictions and lust, but not God. Not even close.
thanks for being honest in this post, i needed to hear it.
thanks, Warrior. I agree with that quote about recovery being proportionate to surrender! So true.
DeleteOne day at a time! We sometimes think of grace as "that power which gives me strength after I have done what I can", but 2 Nephi 31:19 says
ReplyDelete"ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save"
It was him the whole time! One day at a time with his help.
thank you for your continued support, and your wise words, Race! Certainly it is His grace which has taken me this far, and will continue to carry me as long as I let it. :)
ReplyDelete