Belief

Belief is powerful. I think that I can say that with some degree of confidence. I think I don't even have to add the disclaimer: "At least it is for me." I think that there are enough wise philosophers and scholars and scientists who say the same thing, and more importantly, enough scriptures. Believe!

There are a few types of belief (now, this is my opinion and my own thoughts). Sometimes, believing in something is what makes it true. Sometimes, something is true weather or not we believe it. And sometimes, something isn't true even if we believe it.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (as most of my readers are, I think), I think we're pretty good at believing in what's already true. But, I think many of us could stand to believe in something in order to make it true.

Step 6 of the ARP manual is about changing your heart. For me, I could not change my heart till I first changed my mind. I'm not saying that my heart is changed- I have a long way to go. I am working on it, though, piece by piece, and I'm offering those pieces to God as they come. I'm breaking my heart into pieces, and handing over those broken pieces to my Heavenly Father. It's a slow process, but I'm more patient with myself now.

Changing my mind has been difficult, but beautiful. I have lived my life believing lies about myself. I have believed that I can't recover. I have believed that Jesus' sacrifice wasn't for me. I have believed that I am worthless. I have believed that I am destined to fail. Now, because I believed that I would always fail, I did always fail. Because I believed I was unhappy, I was! I believed I deserved to be miserable.

Finally, I slowly, very slowly, began to listen to the Spirit which whispered truths that countered the lies I've believed all my life. "Erin, you can." But I believed that I didn't deserve to have good thoughts about myself, so I would stop those words from laying root into my mind. "Erin, there is a place prepared for you in the mansions of my Father." And I would say, "yeah right. Not me. I'm filthy."

But those whispers continued and continued despite my vigilant rejection of them until finally, one day, I decided to wonder what if? Oh, how Jesus seeks to rescue! Oh, how he calls after us like a shepherd calls after his lost sheep! He has pulled me from the territory of the wolves and I'm so grateful that He never gave up, never gives up.

What if I can? What if there is a place for me with God? What if Jesus is my Savior, too? What if recovery is possible? What if I can become who I am?

These thoughts worked on me and I worked on them. Through my sins and failures, I remembered them. I allowed them to give me hope, even in the midst of active addiction.

Then one day, literally, I decided to focus only on what is positive and pure and good. I decided to eliminate negative thoughts as they appeared in my consciousness. I decided to shamelessly and constantly believe that I can. I decided to believe that Jesus will help. I decided to begin to believe His promises.

I believe that I can. I believe that I will. I believe He can and He will. I know He does. I know He helps me, loves me, inspires me with positive thoughts every day.

The negativity that I have fed for 32 years isn't completely out of me. I still fall victim to its power. I still believe the lies, sometimes. But not for long. Never for long anymore.

I love believing. I love that believing that I can do something makes it possible for me to do it. We are commanded to "be believing!" Let us believe! Let us be hopeful! Let us be of good cheer!

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous,
and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow
the admonition of Paul - We believe all things, we hope all things,
we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all
things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or
praiseworthy, we seek after these things.



(bolded words added)