is it easier?

I've been doing better, much better. Not so long ago, I was experiencing episodes of sin fewer than two weeks apart. I'm doing much better now.

But it's not easier. I think that's important to know. It's not easier. I'm just stronger. I'm stronger because I've done the things I'm supposed to do. I've listened to my bishop. I've listened to the promptings of the Spirit. I've been working very hard at choosing well. And I'm stronger.

I'm smiling. I'm really stronger! By the grace of God, I've gained strength! He has come through on His promises! When I do what He says, He is there for me.

Pornography still appeals to me. So does that thing it leads to, which word I'm afraid to use even on a blog no one ever reads. I get so lonely sometimes. When I was married, I really did love that special, intimate part of it. And I miss it a great deal. And so all that stuff certainly appeals to me still. It just doesn't matter as much anymore. Lately.

I feel like God has come to my rescue, I really do. I know I've mentioned it before, but, I wouldn't be here now without Him. I realize I haven't made it all that far. I haven't even lasted more than a month without engaging in porn, and that's pretty pitiful! That's pretty lousy! But it's progress, progress I haven't had in a very long time. Because my Savior has come to rescue me. You know what? He's always been trying to rescue me. I just took His hand this time. And now He's leading me back to our Father, up a steep and rocky path, a hard path, a difficult climb. But what's a few rocks and inclines when Jesus is at your side?

Mah. Nothin.

And so, the path is the same as it used to be. I'm just stronger now. And, more willing. I used to be so threatened by the path because it just might be hard. I'm not afraid of that anymore.

The Lord IS my Shepherd.