The Things He Taught Me

I know this is a strange description, but I feel like a balloon is inside my chest, and it has expanded my soul and lightened the burden of my heart. I am so grateful.

Tender mercies this week are many. God is in the details! I'm amazed as I look back and see how He has been at work with me, at home, everywhere I go.

But, mostly, I am grateful for the Hope he feeds me. The more I do to follow Him, the more hope he gives to me. He shows me that the path I am cautiously walking is a safe path. When I trust Him, He shows me that I CAN trust Him. He encourages me! He reminds me that He is there and will answer my prayers! The more I pray, the more I feel Him when I pray. He is here! He is my Father, and He is with me.

This is an enormous tender mercy. I love that He is so willing to be in my life as I allow Him in my life. I think this is what it feels like to have the Holy Spirit as a constant companion. I never really thought that promise could be so real. I hear whisperings all through the day, and not just "promptings" of service, but sweet, beautiful reminders, like "You are a daughter of God." "You can do this." "God is with you, you can conquer this temptation." "God knows your struggles, even seemingly insignificant ones like this." "Your Sunday is coming." "It will get better!" "Everything will be okay."

This is my new coping method. The Spirit. I would rather have the Spirit with me at all times than have a moment of empty "pleasure" which will NOT follow through with its promises. I don't need drugs if I'm coping with the Spirit. I don't need to run when I have the Spirit of God encouraging me and whispering that I can face this giant because God is my Father!

You know, I realize now that I am not recovering from addiction. I am recovering from a false set of beliefs. I'm recovering from a lifestyle of sin and despair. I'm recovering from a destructive way of being. I cannot only recover from pornography and masturbation, because they are inseparably connected to my former way of living. As I focus on recovery from my addictions, I learn that other behaviors that aren't in harmony with God's word are also becoming a thing of the past. It's all connected! I cannot ultimately correct my addict behavior without correcting a plethora of other false behaviors. And I think that's wonderful!

I received a prompting that was, specifically, "Don't watch Dr. Phil anymore." Okay. This is probably a tender mercy because perhaps down the road it would have triggered me. And so, I will trust His word, and stop recording the show.

I'm getting better at hearing that Voice-- a result of focused recovery from a natural man lifestyle.

Before I was actively engaged in recovery, I believed that life was painful/hard/sorrowful/dismal as a default, and that moments of joy and happiness were interspersed throughout. And when I was feeling good, I would tell myself that this period of joy would soon end, because life's default is pain and misery. That's how I saw it. Now, God has changed my perspective. He has helped me to see that life is beautiful/joyful/enjoyable as a default, with moments of trial, despair and sorrow interspersed. And now, when I'm experiencing a hardship of life, I tell myself that this period of sorrow will end soon, because life's default is joy and beauty. What a better way to live life! What a gift from God, my loving Father.

As I adapt to His timetable, He lightens my burdens.

You know, I still have a long way to go. I am not where I want to be, yet. But I am so much better off than I have been, and I owe every inch of my progression to my Father and to my Savior. I made the decision to turn to face Them, and then they propelled me forward. My every little effort is reward ten fold, and I am encircled in the arms of safety.

I don't know if I'll slip again. I could. I might. I don't want to. I don't want to lose this Spirit. I want to remain worthy of the Sacrament so I can remain worthy of this constant companion.

This has been a stressful week! By that, I mean it has been filled with situations that could be stressful. But, I am trusting God! I am believing those whispers that say, when I'm about to panic in my mind, "Shhh. Everything will be fine." And I calm down and stop worrying! BECAUSE I KNOW HEAVENLY FATHER KEEPS HIS PROMISES!

That is the tender mercy of most significance that I received this week- a reward for my trust. A testimony based on personal experience that giving Him the reigns is what gets me to my destination in safety. He knows the way.

Given that stress is a trigger, in and of itself, I am extremely grateful that God would send me a message of calm and peace just before my brain panics. It's okay. Everything will be okay.

I am so thankful for His love. I cherish this gift of the Holy Ghost.