The Only Answer is Trust

I will see my bishop on Sunday, and then I will confess my latest slip. I imagined the scenario today. I imagined what I would tell him. I wondered if he would be weary by now of my confessions. "Me again. Yep- did it again. So." How many times have I gone to him in confession? I don't even know. So many.

He is kind and full of grace. I know he will be kind again. Sometimes I think it will be the last time I get forgiveness and he'll say, "you're excommunicated. You've slipped one too many times. Sorry. See you in a few years if you can make it." Sometimes I get a little scared but I go anyway, and that never happens. Only mercy happens. Only encouragement happens.

I figured maybe he'll ask me what happened that led me to this. I figured I'll tell him my plans for the future to stay away. But I see him so frequently- WHAT IS THE ANSWER?! What is the answer, the cure? 

I think there is only one. I think it's trust. When I trust my God, fully, I don't freak out, I don't lose hope, I don't emotionally abuse myself, and I don't leave myself open for Satan's jabs. When I trust God, fully, I have peace. I have serenity. And when I'm in a place of peace and serenity, I am strong, I'm a freaking rock. Nothing, in that place, can pull me down. 

The only answer is trust. The hardest answer is trust.

Oh, God, teach me to trust!