Nothing of Value

I haven't blogged in so long. I feel like I have nothing of value to contribute. Blogging is dying. No one reads blogs anymore, not like they used to. Sex addiction isn't a novelty anymore, not even among women. So many recovery blogs all over, all written by women who are further in recovery than I am, or smarter than I am, or more eloquent, or just plain better, you know?

and if my blog can't help anyone, then what's the point?

I know I sound all self-abusive, but I'm not so sure that's it. I want to help people. I want to reach women who don't already know they're not alone. I want to feel like I'm making a difference, and I'm not so sure that continuing to blog will make a difference.

But, today, I was reading some of my own posts, and learning from them. If I can help myself, then that should be good enough.

I have been struggling with things I haven't yet identified. I know I'm struggling because some of my addictions have really taken control. I have been doing alright as far as my sexual addictions go, so, hooray, right? In fact, I think I'll go to the temple tomorrow, for the first time in a few months.

Six weeks of abstinence doesn't feel like progress anymore. But, for the first time since sometime last year, I actually want to go to the temple! That is progress. The temple had ceased to be motivating. Probably because I had ceased to really believe.

On that, I do feel like I'm back. I feel like I'm still recovering from my season of doubt. I feel like it did a huge number on my soul. I'm happy to have my testimony back, and stronger than it used to be. I do love this church and this gospel! Wasn't General Conference so inspiring? I love being a member of the Church in this time. I love being a woman in the Church in this time. It's a wonderful time to be alive, and a terrifying time to be alive.

This post is ridiculous! I think I just want to get back into the habit of posting, because, honestly, it does help me, and I'm worthy of help.