Have you ever felt like you're so close to breaking down a wall, but you've run out of tools to demolish it? I feel like I've been walking toward this great wall, and I have seen it from a long ways back so I've been trying to throw stuff at it to break it down. As I neared it, I have been using other tools. And now that I'm AT it, I have been using everything I have: hammers, scrapers, explosives, etc. But it still stands. Much of it has crumbled, but not enough for me to get through. And, nothing I have access to is working to bring it down.
I feel like just over the fence is a new lesson, a new enlightenment, a new revelation. I feel like just past the fence is a new joy, a new faith. And I'm so close! But there is something that is holding me back.
I feel like the tool I need is obvious. I feel like it's exactly where I need it. But I can't see it!
It has something to do with honesty, I think. I'm trying hard to be honest. I'm missing something.
That's where I am right now. I can't linger here on this side of the fence, because we all know what failure to progress will do. I've got to find a way through it.
Going to the temple today. Hoping for answers. Hoping for courage.
Dude. Woah. You are SO in my head. I feel EXACTLY like this right now! I also feel like I'm having a difficult time moving on. And I think I have identified a few things that will help me move forward. Honesty and courage are a BIG part of them. I hope you are able to find the answers you're looking for because I have no doubt that whatever is on the other side is amazing and beautiful and GIANT. I'm excited :) And hopeful for myself too.
ReplyDeleteI can send you a hammer! My dear friend in PASG gave me an actual hammer when I was feeling like this. The thing was, the Lord wasn't waiting for me to break down the wall, He wanted to help me do it.
ReplyDeleteYou too. Woah. Thank you for writing this... great reminder. The Lord SO wants to help me. If I'll only let Him.
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