Pioneer Shoes on the 2nd Day

Remember how I said I'm going to change my shoes? Well, I didn't. I took my laced shoes off but didn't put any shoes back on. And then I slipped. Twice. And today is Day 2, and it wasn't worth it.

But I do not have to stay on the ground. I am the proverbial Phoenix, rising above the ashes, only the ashes came from my own self-inflicted ruin. But, that doesn't matter as much as rising does!! I really believe that. Rising takes courage and faith, every time. I wish I could go back to when I was so discouraged about getting back on my feet every time and tell myself, "This matters. Sure, you might believe that you're just going to fall again. Sure, you might believe that you will spend the rest of your life in this rise and fall dance. But, this matters. Every time you rise, it matters. Thank you for getting up time after time after time."

Anyway, I am standing now, and facing my God!

And today I put on a pair of new shoes. Pioneer shoes. My ward's youth went on a pioneer trek to Martin's cove and the returned at about 1:00 this morning. The Youth went to church in their pioneer clothing and they bore their testimonies about their wonderful experiences. I was sort of half-listening because I had figured that these young men and young women couldn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Then something whispered "listen." And I tuned in more, and I chose to believe that I could learn something after all.

As I listened more intently, one story stood out to me. A young man said that he came to a hill with his handcart and looked up wondering how he could make it up. But he said as we walked up the hill, he felt like his burden was made light. He felt like someone was helping him with his cart, with his burden. And then I understood this:

Angels will help me. My Father will send me angels to help me carry my heavy handcart. He sent angels to help the pioneers, and I am no less worthy, no less valued than those pioneers. But, if I stand at the bottom of the hill before it gets steep, staring at it with fear and dread, refusing to walk, then my handcart will become too heavy for me, even though the incline at that point is very low. No angels can help if I do not move. I must move! And when I do, when I take that step up the hill, carrying my load, that is when angels will attend who will make my load bearable.

Today, in my pioneer shoes, I will be courageous, and I will move. I will walk. I will believe.