"It's not what you did, it's what you're doing."

So, all of a sudden, miracles are dropping in my lap.

I wonder why. I really wonder. What a blessed week I've had! What an extraordinary, fabulous week I've had. First, I've made it another week! Yeah! I'm becoming closer to my God, my desires of righteousness are slowly increasing, but increasing definitely.

I worry that I'm too religious here. I mean, there are other wonderful religions out there, and I never want to appear exclusive, or that I favor members of my faith over other people. All are loved by God. All are entitled to His love and His help. However, I am SO devoted to my faith, so my words will always be as a result of my beliefs which are the standards of my religion.

That said! I'M SO EXCITED! My brain, as usual, is a hundred places at once, so I need to calm down and narrow this post to one thing. I want to write about the ARP meeting from which I just returned.

As I said, MIRACLES are raining on me. I wondered "What did I do to deserve this great thing? What did I do to have these random, unexpected events, people, words come into my life all of a sudden?" That question was answered directly tonight at my meeting.

Well, I asked it. When it was my turn to share, I shared a bit about how excited I am that wonderful things are happening in my life. I'm trying so hard to be a better human being, a better woman, mother, daughter, etc., and now I see my efforts are not in vain! Anyway, so I said "I don't know what I did to deserve this." And really what a silly thing to say. We don't deserve God's love. I mean, "deserve" implies an earning. Who of us could ever EARN God's love, or mercy, or forgiveness?

At the end of the meeting, the missionary who conducts it looked at me and said "It's not what you did, it's what you're doing."

My first thought was that he meant what I've done in the past, i.e. given into my addictions time after time, doesn't matter as much as what I'm doing now to overcome. And I think that's important. And I think that is something that could be safely derived from his statement. But it's not what he meant. He went on to explain that I didn't do something to deserve miracles. It's not what I did- it's what I'm doing! I'm striving, I'm trying, I'm attending meetings, and researching resources online, praying, praying, praying. I'm striving, he said. We're striving, he said to the group, all of us are striving and THAT's what brings blessings and miracles. It's not what I did, it's what I'm doing.

Have you ever felt like a pin pricked your heart when someone spoke? Like, the feeling in your heart was directly related to the statement you just heard? That's what happened to me tonight when he said what he said, and I believe God was using him to talk to me. I believe God wanted me to know that He is pleased with my efforts, and that I'm not a failure, and that I'm worth saving. I was in the right place at the right time. It was almost like goosebumps, but internal goosebumps, alerting me that what was spoken was truth.

I'm alright. And I'm going to be alright. And God is here, and he's on my side, and He gave me His Son to take my sins. I believe with all my heart that I can be restored to complete spiritual health. What a journey this will continue to be!