Petition: Granted

God DID grant my petition. I was so tired yesterday, so emotionally tired. It had been a very difficult day. Not even so much in direct temptation as it was just-- well, I'm sensitive, sometimes too sensitive, and things had been said to me and about me that were getting to me, really hurting my feelings. It's interesting how Satan uses so many different methods to tempt us. He wanted to shake my sense of identity by whispering lies following others' comments. I'm pretty sure he managed to convince me that the intentions of some of the people talking to me and about me were malicious. I know that's not true, now. But I was so caught up in it yesterday, and so hurt.

I began losing faith in myself. I felt like these people couldn't see who I really am or how hard I'm really trying. And If they couldn't see that, then maybe my efforts haven't been enough. Well, that's a lie, on both counts. It wasn't as about me as I made it out to be, and even if it was, no one besides my Father and myself gets to decide if my efforts are sufficient. But I didn't see any of that last night, and I just wanted an escape from the day.

Problem is, my chosen escapes are generally much more destructive than not escaping would be.

There were several points in the day yesterday that I figured I'd give in later that day. I was tired of resisting. But I kept thinking "effectual struggle! this is my effectual struggle!" and that would put me back on track. But my determination never stayed long. Isn't it interesting? A few days ago, Satan used images in my imagination to tempt me. He used desires for that physical affection that ought to be reserved for marriage. Yesterday, he used feelings of self pity that had nothing to do with sex. He just tried to create a scenario from I would feel I'd need an escape. He knows my preferred escape. Whatever it is next time, I hope I'm prepared! I know that God will deliver me again if I ask.

Back to yesterday: I got home from work and was going to nap. I prayed first. I asked God to release me from my sadness and self doubt. And then a miracle happened, almost instantly. I didn't get a chance to even get in my bed for a nap. I think maybe if I'd gone to bed, I may have not been able to fight off the tiredness and sadness. But instead, I got a message from someone to call him. It was my therapist! I tell you what, everyone should have one of these. :) I called him and by the time we were done with the call, I felt worlds lighter, and I could handle my life. The focus had been removed from my relatively petty issues, and I was renewed.

I am so grateful that my Savior, Jesus Christ, is so invested in my recovery that He paid for it. I'm so grateful for a kind and merciful Father in Heaven who grants my righteous pleas and endows me with grace and power as I seek it. How do They love me like that? I must be pretty special.

Thank you to all who are praying for me.