Feelings in the Temple

I can scarcely believe I'm writing this post. I'm writing a post about going to the temple! Oh my goodness. What a miracle I am!

My mom came to pick me up. I had forgotten that since the remodel, the Boise Temple doesn't have clothing to rent. So we had to go to Deseret Book and get temple clothing before we went to the temple. Personally, I'd rather shop for shoes, but we made it through and I had my own stuff! Then we went to the temple.

I walked through the doors a worthy woman. I handed my recommend to the greeter and he welcomed me. And then I went beyond the desk!

The temple is different now. It was beautiful before, but now. . . . Now it's breathtaking. Mom and I changed and waited a while and then began the session.

When I wasn't dozing drifting off concentrating intensely, I was contemplating the incredible miracle that I was participating in. Also, a side note-to-self, get plenty of sleep before going to the temple.... But, just think about it. How many times did I think to myself the temple was impossible? How many times did I think it was too far off in the distance to do anything about? Well it's here! It came and it's here and I'm in it! And nothing wrong that I've ever done matters anymore. I kept feeling right. Like I was where I was supposed to be. Like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing and I was worthy to do it. There was whiteness all around me and all within me, too. I felt like white was emanating from my soul. Like I was white from the inside. Like my heart and soul have been purged and I am clean! This is a miracle. One year ago, I was in the darkest place. One year ago, I was hopeless and entrenched in sin and despair. One year ago it felt like I would never make it to the temple. And today, I went. How good is our God!

I feel like I am clean. I may be late, but I'm clean. You know that story? About Joseph F Smith's dream? Here, I'll quote it for you. I'm taking this particular quote from President Hinckley's April 2007 Conference talk, "I Am Clean:"

“I was very much oppressed [when I was] on a mission. I was almost naked and entirely friendless, except [for] the friendship of a poor, benighted … people. I felt as if I was so debased in my condition of poverty, lack of intelligence and knowledge, just a boy, that I hardly dared look a … man in the face.

“While in that condition I dreamed [one night] that I was on a journey, and I was impressed that I ought to hurry—hurry with all my might, for fear I might be too late. I rushed on my way as fast as I possibly could, and I was only conscious of having just a little bundle, a handkerchief with a small bundle wrapped in it. I did not realize … what it was, when I was hurrying as fast as I could; but finally I came to a wonderful mansion. … I thought I knew that was my destination. As I passed towards it, as fast as I could, I saw a notice [which read B-A-T-H], ‘Bath.’ I turned aside quickly and went into the bath and washed myself clean. I opened up this little bundle that I had, and there was [some] white, clean [clothing], a thing I had not seen for a long time, because the people I was with did not think very much of making things exceedingly clean. But my [clothing was] clean, and I put [it] on. Then I rushed to what appeared to be a great opening, or door. I knocked and the door opened, and the man who stood there was the Prophet Joseph Smith. He looked at me a little reprovingly, and the first words he said: ‘Joseph, you are late.’ Yet I took confidence and [replied]:

“‘Yes, but I am clean—I am clean!’

“He clasped my hand and drew me in, then closed the great door. I felt his hand just as tangible as I ever felt the hand of man. I knew him, and when I entered I saw my father, and Brigham [Young] and Heber [C. Kimball], and Willard [Richards], and other good men that I had known, standing in a row. I looked as if it were across this valley, and it seemed to be filled with a vast multitude of people, but on the stage were all the people that I had known. My mother was there, and she sat with a child in her lap; and I could name over as many as I remember of their names, who sat there, who seemed to be among the chosen, among the exalted. …

“[When I had this dream,] I was alone on a mat, away up in the mountains of Hawaii—no one was with me. But in this vision I pressed my hand up against the Prophet, and I saw a smile cross his countenance. …

“When I awoke that morning I was a man, although only [still] a boy. There was not anything in the world that I feared [after that]. I could meet any man or woman or child and look them in the face, feeling in my soul that I was a man every whit. That vision, that manifestation and witness that I enjoyed at that time has made me what I am, if I am anything that is good, or clean, or upright before the Lord, if there is anything good in me. That has helped me out in every trial and through every difficulty” (Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. [1939], 542–43).

I am clean, Friends, and I feel clean, and that's what matters.

God help me remain so!