Dear Jesus

I wrote this poem a few years ago. It's what I feel about my Jesus, my Savior, my Brother. How grateful I am that He never gave up on me. He never gives up on me. He keeps coming after me time after time after time. He's in the business of saving souls, and He keeps trying as long as He can! He's in the business of saving my soul, and He will never abandon me. I know this, for He never has. He has come to rescue me! Jesus, my Redeemer, comes to rescue me every time I need rescuing! It is amazing to me-- and "amazing," in its overuse, has become an insufficient adjective to accurately describe my thoughts-- it is amazing to me that I mean so much to Him, that He will come after me whenever I wander, that He will stop at nothing to save my soul. I matter. I matter to Jesus Christ!

I also wrote a song which I call "Redeem" which is the background to this poem. This poem is not lyrics, for the song has none, but the song is the background. :) One day I'll do a dramatic reading with the song playing and that will be fun. So, if you want, please play this video while reading the poem.



Ah. With no further adieu, the poem:

Grace
by Stephanie J Martin


I run away.
You call to me softly,
“Stephanie. Please don’t go.”
Your voice in my name, your tender plea,
Makes me pause.
But how can I face you?
I run away.

I run to the desert
Summoned by gypsies and wanderers
Who I suppose are like me
We play in the sand
And hide our self hatred
With meat and strong drink
Soon they all leave
That’s when I see You, arms stretched toward me
I picture myself filling those arms,
Basking in their safety
But I throw sand in your face

And I run away
Because I see water, not far,
And I know I can take care of myself
But, night reveals the desert illusion-
There is no water here.
The desert is Judas! I think
But that makes me think of You
And then I feel You
But how can I face you?

I run away
I pretend I don’t hear You walking behind me
The moon and stars and desert
Are covered in wind-tossed blackness
And the sand is like ice shards
Impaling my naked feet with each careless step
I un-acknowledge every blatant danger--
The serpents’ rattle, the dizzy vultures’ cries, the black-cloaked cacti--
Refusing to accept that I might be subject to their mercy
Breathless, I stop to look - is that a light?-
There You are again
Oh, how I want to, and I think that I might
Run to You
To be warm. To rest. To be loved.
But how can I face You?

I run away
Again.
Until, exhausted and sobbing,
I crumble to the sandy glacier
It doesn’t matter - does it? -
If I die,
If the desert swallows me up tonight.
Now I hear rattles and hisses all around me
I dare not open my eyes and witness my death
Oh, I wish I had run to You!
I wish that You could save me now
If I open my eyes will You be there still?
Wilt Thou save me?
But how canst Thou face me
After I’ve run so far, so long?
Just in case, I look.
I see the serpents’ impending strikes

But there Thou art.

And now I hear Thee calling my name
And now I hear Thee calming the snakes
And now I run to Thee
And as Thine arms engulf me,
I find warmth
I find love
I find freedom
06.07.11

Alma 5:59 For what shepherd is there among you having many sheep doth not watch over them, that the wolves enter not and devour his flock? And behold, if a wolf enter his flock doth he not drive him out? Yea, and at the last, if he can, he will destroy him.

60 And now I say unto you that the good shepherd doth call after you; and if you will hearken unto his voice he will bring you into his fold, and ye are his sheep; and he commandeth you that ye suffer no ravenous wolf to enter among you, that ye may not be destroyed.

I testify that this is what Jesus has done for me. He has called after me time after time after time. As soon as I decided to hear His call, He led me back to the Fold and I am redeemed. I hope I stay here, because it is safe here, and free and warm and happy. Dear Jesus, what thanks could ever suffice? In exchange for my eternal freedom, all I can give is my heart. And so I offer it, piece by piece.