I'm two days shy of four weeks clean.
I'm right now resisting telling myself, "big deal, four weeks is horrible." "So what? Four weeks is nothing. You should be several years clean. You should be forever clean."
Instead, I will allow myself a small inner celebration. I haven't reached this point alone, but I haven't reached this point in a while! Four weeks is a pretty big deal, and I'm going to let it be. I couldn't have made it this far alone, but I also couldn't have made it this far without my own choices. It has been a joint effort.
Of course, I'm not to four weeks yet. But, still, 26 days is a bit exciting. And I'm going to let it be!
I read a blog post on the blog By the Light of Grace a while back about detox from sexual addiction. I was in the middle of sin when I read it and it didn't apply. Today, I felt inspired to read it again. And I have diagnosed myself with addiction detox! Oooh, so THAT'S why I'm so dang emotional and irritable and anxious. And it makes sense. My brain is starving.
Check out this list of possible symptoms:
Headaches (frontal lobe headaches specifically)/migraines
Erratic emotions
User dreams
Muscle pain
Anxiety
Anger/rage
Feeling stupid (saying stupid things, acting stupid)
Magnified feelings of shame and dirtiness
Lack of energy
Depression
Dizziness
Nausea
Fatigue
Intense food cravings (carbs, fat, soda, salt, sugar)
Lack of concentration
Irritability/Snappiness
Uncontrollable crying
Insomnia
Sadness
Vivid dreams
Nightmares
Intense urges
Shakes/tremors
Hopelessness
Feelings of losing grip on reality and that you're going crazy
In the last few weeks, I have been experiencing over half of these. It's a relief to have hope that it's all temporary. I wonder what my life will be like when it balances out, when my brain understands that it won't be getting that dopamine spike. In her post, Sidreis said that symptoms can last 4-6 weeks. Uuggghhh.
But thank goodness it's temporary. I'm going crazy.
Oh, detox is so much fun! Just turn to Heavenly Father. I had conference talks to listen to when I was triggering. It helped so much! I would pray and then turn on a conference talk. I saw detox as a way to come closer to God, to have Him help me through the process. You can make it!
ReplyDeleteha! yes, "fun." Conference talks is a great idea. I also intend to grow closer to God during this time! Thank you. :)
DeleteAlmost there! Way to go!
ReplyDeletethank you! Good times!
DeleteAin't it FUN!?!?!? Hahah! Of course I say that sarcastically because I went crazy too! It was terrible. But, it IS worth it and it IS temporary and you CAN do it with God's help and the help of your support system... and you ARE awesome and 4 weeks is HUGE... but don't let your guard down once you hit that 4 weeks because Satan is very prone to attack right after we hit milestones too... he's mean. He lets us savor the moment and then blammo.... so be on your guard. Love you lots!
ReplyDeleteI am on my guard. I am determined, and yet I know that determination can only go so far. I am relying on God and hope to maintain some semblance of humility through this.... Thank you!!
DeleteOh dear this is EXACTLY what I am going through. Maybe 3/4 of the items of the list. It is painful. I experienced insomnia for the first time that I could ever remember two nights ago. I was up until 145 am. i get up at 530 am. Maybe you are like me in this Erin, but sometimes I just have to trust the people who've passed it and lived. There is hope. There is hope. Take it a day at a time. that's all we've ever got.
ReplyDeleteI have been experiencing insomnia, too! It's sooo annoying. You're right- all I have to do is make it through the day. One day. I can make it one day! Thanks for fighting with me!
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