"User Dream"

I discovered through By the Light of Grace's post "User Dreams" that 1) I have these! and 2) it's normal! Awesome.

Last night, the night of my 6th week mark, I had the worst one that I have ever had. Of course I won't go into detail here, but let it suffice to say that it was graphic, lengthy, highly detailed, and very realistic. All of my senses were very active during this dream. In it, I was doing some horrible things. After, while still dreaming, I felt awful. I was wondering how I would tell my bishop, how I would tell my sponsor, what my next blog post would be like.

I carried the weight of sin. It was dark and depressing and heavy, just as it would be if I'd really done the thing. I was beating myself up, wondering how could I have ruined my streak in that way. Then I woke, still feeling horrible until I realized it had all been a dream! OH SWEET RELIEF!

Sadly, the images my brain created for me, about me, are sticking to my consciousness like paint, and have been showcasing regular reminders throughout the day. Ugghh, make it go, make it go!

I feel like the battle will still be long, but I am hopeful I'm through the hardest part. I am breathing again, and that is a wonderful miracle.

Well this is my last post of my 30 day run! It's so weird! Thanks SO MUCH for reading, for bearing my burdens, rejoicing in my victories, and supporting me through it all!