Oh, Pepsi, How Do I Love Thee?

I'm really quite upset because I think God wants me to give up Pepsi now. What I mean is, I think He wants me to give up. Pepsi. now.

There's no way.

And don't you think that's a little unfair? Two bishops ago (which was about 2 years ago), my favorite bishop I ever had who taught me about love, and who taught me that I am worthy of love as both the recipient and the giver, and who taught me that God is Love, and basically taught me that Love is the secret to the Universe-- anyway, this bishop told me, when I told him (kinda in passing) of my intense Pepsi addiction, "One addiction at a time." He said it with a smile, but I took it very seriously.

I will tell you something. I have used that as an excuse for so long. Putting it into context, that bishop was addicted to Dr. Pepper! haha. Oh I loved him. He saved me. But that one sentence, "One addiction at a time," has been something that I have foolishly clung to all this time. That's all I can handle you know, one addiction at a time. And since this sex addiction is of far more importance than my Pepsi addiction, it's the one I'll work on first. Once I've been in solid recovery for a good while, then I'll think about giving up my beloved Pepsi.

I'm sad to report that I believe God has other plans.

I have tried so many times to give up Pepsi. Oh, I love it! I love it, I love it! I love my daily dose of that sweet brown cola. I use it for celebration, for medication, for everything, and I love it. I think that I made it six weeks once without a drop of cola. That was a long time. But soon I justified just one drink and BAM! I'm back where I left off. Sounds soooo familiar.

Pepsi isn't ruining my life. Pepsi isn't permeating every crevice of my brain. Pepsi isn't preventing me from spiritual progression. Porn is.

I just don't think it's fair. Why now? I'm a baby in sex addiction recovery! I'm a wee newborn just learning to hold my head up on my own, and now I'm supposed to get rid of Pepsi too?

Nooooo. No, please don't take that away from me! As if resisting sexual temptations isn't hard enough every blasted hour? Now I have to add Pepsi? Now? So soon?

Oh MAN am I resisting this. I don't wanna do it.

I don't need any lectures on why soda is horrible for you. I already know. I have seen the facts and the studies. I don't want to be addicted to Pepsi. And, I can even see how a smaller-scale addiction can interfere with spiritual progression. I certainly see value in giving it up. But I don't want to. Giving up porn and kissing and sexual gratification is hard enough, thank you very much!!

No. Oh, please, no. Not Pepsi.

Even through all my whining, I hear a soft-spoken suggestion that perhaps resisting the sex stuff will be easier for me to do if I also concurrently deny myself this other addiction.

Hmph. I want to throw a fit.

******
I can't tell you how incredible my PASG meeting was tonight. It was everything I needed. I even learned something new that I'm mulling over with great wonder. Maybe I'll blog about it another night.

ALSO today, the Sunshine returned! Unfortunately, I don't mean that literally. It is very very cold in my not-Utah state, and it has been cloudy. (Sometimes I put stuff like this in my posts for my own future reference-- do feel free to ignore these references.) Anyway, I further realized today that negative thinking is a tool of Satan, and that negative thoughts attract negative thoughts, and so even one negative thought is dangerous. Negativity is heavy and exhausting to bear. I wonder if that's partly why people with depression are often tired all the time.

Hope is light. Keep the hope!

Life is good!
even though God seems to think I should give up Pepsi. Hmph.